I love odds so much, I just can’t even. Luckily for me, there are still a few NFL props out there to hold me over until the regular season.
Seahawks Starting Quarterback (Week 1)
Geno Smith -300
Drew Lock +200
Finally, something positive for Drew Lock. Having thrown for only 25 touchdowns against 20 interceptions in his three-year career, it’s been hard to get excited about Lock. But once he was traded to Seattle, I thought they would at least let him start the season. And yet here he is, an underdog to an underperforming former Jet whose career numbers are even worse; 34 touchdowns to 37 interceptions over 8 seasons.
Other than age, their measurables are almost identical. So were their stats in the latest preseason game against Pittsburgh. Unlike Smith, Lock managed to throw two scores, but as of today, remains an underdog for the starting job. Obviously, the Seahawks prefer the familiarity of Smith over any real or imagined upside for Lock. 2022 will be Geno’s third year with the team and he claims to know the playbook like the back of IK Enemkpali’s hand. I’ve waited 1,460 days to tell that joke. So worth it.
Speaking of slaps to the face, losing out to a quarterback that’s done so very little for so very long must really hurt Lock. Imagine if Tyler Lockett somehow lost his starting job to Plaxico Burress. Actually, maybe Plaxico should call the Seahawks. It’s worth a shot.
Personally, if I were the GM, I’d run down to the Pike Place Market and sign those guys from the famous Pike Place fish market. They throw some fish, we throw the season, and hopefully get a number one pick for Alabama QB Bryce Young (+200).
Panthers Starting Quarterback (Week 1)
Baker Mayfield (-1500)
Sam Darnold (+600)
Having already traded three draft picks for Darnold, one in the second round, I was surprised to see the Panthers trade for Mayfield. Granted, Darnold has been pretty Darnawful since arriving in Carolina, finishing as the 28th-best fantasy QB last year. But Mayfield isn’t much better having finished 2021, albeit injured, as QB 25. Unfortunately, the last preseason game offered no insight as Mayfield and Darnold threw a mere 6 passes between them. I didn’t see the game, but it looks like Carolina brought some guy named Phillip Walker down from the stands and let him throw 10 passes.
Despite these numbers, Mayfield is a safe bet to win this job. Matt Rhule (+300 to be fired this year) should build a Progressive game plan around Baker, and help him to get into the Flo. But for those of you that like to live dangerously, here’s the rest of odds for Carolina’s QB:
Matt Corral (+900)
The Guy from the Spider-Man Movies (+1000)
Geico Gecko (+1200)
Limu Emu (+1500)
Doug (+1501)
Steelers Starting Quarterback (Week 1)
Mitchell Trubisky (-350)
Kenny Pickett (+225)
Mason Rudolph (+2500)
Poor Mason. The last time I saw a Rudolph get so disrespected it was pulling a sleigh. It wasn’t that long ago when many saw Rudolph as the heir apparent to Roethlisberger. Now three years into his career, he’s the “Curly Joe” of Pittsburgh.
Stay with me. If we agree that Trubiski and Pickett have the “Moe” and “Larry” roles locked down, that leaves Rudolph as the third Stooge. But +2500 odds? That’s certainly not “Curly” territory, and you have to think “Shemp” comes in at no more than +1000, right? Can’t we let Mason be a “Joe” with odds around +1500? Granted, nobody liked Joe, but at least he wasn’t some bastardized version of a more popular character.
At the very least, can we give Mason odds to match his career passing numbers (+2366)? He’s already two spots below a North Carolina QB. Have a heart.
Jimmy Garoppolo’s Next Team
Seahawks (+250)
Texans (+400)
Giants (+550)
Buccaneers (+850)
Browns (+900)
With the aforementioned Geno Smith currently the favorite to start for Seattle, the Emerald City sure seems hungry for the Subway pitchman. Marshawn Lynch even offered to drive him to Seattle himself. Jimmy, take an Uber. With a 45-18 career record, Jimmy G. would immediately help the top three teams and provide some insurance for the others.
I’d love to see the Texans or Browns land Jimmy. Silence is golden. I bet they’d love to have a QB that apparently disappears in the offseason. If the Seahawks lose out on Jimmy G., they could always go with Seattle native Kenny G. Likewise, the Giants could also stay local and try Cardi B. Maybe Pusha T? Personally, I’d reach out to Eazy E. I know he’s dead, but so are these teams’ chances with their current quarterback situations.
That’s all I got. Let me know if I missed anything and relax, the regular season is almost here.
