Week 10 Picks: “I’m so over it edition”
Hallo. Guten Tag. Welcome to Week 10 of the NFL, now served with a side of German. The NFL will play its first-ever game in Germany this week. That’s good news for me. My fantasy abacus went 1-1-1 last week, but with the exchange rate I come out with a 5-2 record somehow. Jippi!
I’m going to get my farfegnugen on and drive to the game, so there’s only time to pick a few games. So if those in Deutschland don’t mind, I’d like to start with ‘America’s Team’…the Philadelphia Eagles.
Commanders @ Eagles (+10.5)
Keep your shirts on Eagles fans, the team hasn’t won anything yet. After the Bills lost to the Jets on Sunday, Philly fans took a victory lap around Twitter to claim their stake as the NFL’s best team. Relax everybody, there’s a lot of football left to play. It wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and the season isn’t over yet.
The Eagles won’t have Carson Wentz to kick around this week. His Washington career is likely over but hopes of an undefeated Eagles season are not. The Eagles won three of their last five games against the Commanders and it’s hard to imagine they’ll let Taylor Heinicke give them their first loss at home.
However, Washington did cover the spread the last time they were a 10-point dog to Philly. That was back in 2021 when good ol’ Garrett Gilbert was slinging the ball around for the WFT. Heinicke is no Gilbert, but he’s no Jalen Hurts. Hurts and company won’t have any difficulty with Washington this week. They’ve had 10 days to prepare after a Thursday night game and they’re perfect against the spread at home.
Kopf hoch Commanders fans! The Dan Snyder era will soon be over. Matthew McConaughey wants to buy the team so better daze are coming. Hopefully, he makes everything alright alright alright.
Fantasy Abacus says: Forget McConaughey, Philly owns Washington. Take the birds.
Bills @ Vikings (+3.5)
Keep your shirt on Kirk Cousins, we’ll get to you in a minute. Josh Allen is the story of this game. Allen added injury to insult last week by injuring his elbow in a loss to the New York Jets. His season isn’t over, but he may miss a game or two.
The Bills are in a tough spot. They obviously want to rest Allen, but every team in the AFC East has a winning record right now. Buffalo is 0-2 in the division. With the Dolphins playing so well, they really don’t have the elbow room within the division to take a week off.
At 7-1, the Minnesota Vikings have the second-best record in the league and Kirk Cousins has the 1,697th-best dance moves in the NFL. Technically there can only be 1,696 players on active rosters in a given week, but surely there’s a practice squad guy with better moves.
Minnesota has been sneaky-good all year. Their offense isn’t top-ten in any category, but their offense is top-ten for points against and forced turnovers. They’ve been hit or miss against the spread this season, but if Allen can’t play, all bets are off…, especially the ‘over’. With Cousins and Case Keenum throwing the ball, there’s no way these teams make it to 43.5 points.
Fantasy Abacus says: Assuming Allen sits out, take the Vikings.
Cowboys @ Packers (+4.5)
The days of the Dallas Cowboys as ‘America’s Team’ are long over, as are Aaron Rodgers’ days of being a fantasy-relevant quarterback. He’s scored the 16th most fantasy points this year, one spot ahead of Daniel Jones and one spot behind Jared Goff. Unfein!
Have you ever seen a quarterback bounce more balls off the other teams’ helmets than Rodgers this year? He plays the position like I play “Whack-A-Mole” at the Jersey shore. Consider yourself challenged Rodgers. Recent reports say Packers receivers are so over being scapegoated by Rodgers for the teams’ offensive struggles, but shame on them for not catching those pinballs. Remember, Rodgers is the reigning two-time MVP, just ask him…or Pat McAffey, same thing.
The Dallas Cowboys have their own problems. The days of Ezekiel Elliott being a feature back should be over, but are they? Tony Pollard had 131 yards and three scores in relief of Elliott last week, but team owner/general manager/head coach/peanut vendor Jerry Jones said he expects Elliott to play on Sunday.
Pollard is clearly the better back, but Jerry gets what Jerry wants. He should be hoping for a win. The Cowboys lost their last three games against the Packers despite being favored in two of them. They’re favored this week and Green Bay has lost five straight games. Expect the Pack to make it six straight and for Rodgers to remind everyone about that time he won Jeopardy when it’s over.
Fantasy Abacus says: Dallas wins, covers and keeps pace with ‘America’s Team’ in the NFC East.
That’s it for @fantasybruce. If anyone needs me, I’ll be doing crunches with Schefty.
